Saturday, February 19, 2011


Have you ever really messed up? I mean, you know God wants you to do something and you keep failing, miserably? I am there. I am dwelling in the land of self pity, procrastination, excuses and justification. Let me tell you about it.

I’m going to say it straight up. God is calling me to become more obedient by becoming more disciplined. I am failing miserably. I want to lose weight, be healthy and be able to do what I am called to do with abundant energy and tenacity.

Every day I wake up with a prayer on my lips. Lord, be my strength today. Help me do Your will. I want to be obedient to Your voice.

Our pastor has challenged us to read and study the book of Hebrews. The other day I read Hebrews 10:26&27 and the words I read scared me.

Here they are: “For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment and fiery indignation, which will devour the adversaries.”

Thus began my journey in the land of self pity. I cried out, “Lord, I sin every day. It’s useless to even try. I might as well give up. There is no hope for me! I’m doomed for hell. I might as well resign myself to it now and accept the inevitable.”

I read a few chapters that day. But those are the words that stuck to me, pierced my heart, and condemned me to an eternity of everlasting pain and regret.

Today as I was reading those same few chapters, another set of verses struck me. They are from Hebrews 11:11&12: “By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful, who had promised. Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born as many as the stars of the sky in multitude-innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore.”

Whoa…hold on here just a minute. Didn’t Sarah mess up big time? Didn’t she tell her husband to sleep with her handmaid because God wasn’t working fast enough for her? Didn’t she doubt Him? Didn’t she think He wasn’t going to follow through? Didn’t she think she must have heard Him wrong or that He was really talking about something else? Oh my! And here is the WOW part. By faith, she still received the promise. Unbelievable. God still used her as He promised He would.

You mean there is still hope for me? Is it possible that God may still use me to glorify Himself somehow? Today as I was reading, it dawned on me I conveniently skipped over one word in the first passage I read. The word, “willingly.”

So, now I am standing at a crossroad. One road is called “giving up and resigning myself to how I am” and the other is called “deny the flesh and walk in obedience.” The choice is mine.