Saturday, April 16, 2011

Sleep Deprivation

I vaguely heard the alarm. It goes off at 2:55 every week day morning. I personally believe there shouldn’t be any hours between 3-7am, but hey, that’s just me. I’m entitled.

I try to ignore the thing and settle back into dream world. I am a light sleeper so this takes some concentration. I cannot let my mind start to wander. I cannot be cold. There cannot be too many noises (I have a fan running full blast to help with this matter). I try and ignore the thirst, for this elongates my eyes being open and therefore promotes thought. (I have heard this is a common problem among women…thinking all the time!)

I just manage to drift back into la la land when I feel the bed start to jiggle. Oh no! The one thing that can ruin everything! My son has just crawled into bed with me. He knows his father goes to work early and he is just stubborn and determined enough to wake himself up when that alarm goes off. Darn it all!

I do not cuddle when I sleep. I want my own space. Do not touch me. Do not cross the middle line. My husband knows I do not use his shoulder as a pillow. I don’t like his arm around me when I am sleeping. I use the middle decorative post as the imaginary line. Do not cross it. There have been times I have thought of putting one of those invisible electric fences down the middle and using a remote when I suddenly have an arm slug me in the middle of the night. Dastardly, I know! I can’t help it.

I try to ignore the child next to me. He is a cuddler. He does not take after me. It’s not long before I feel his foot running along my calf. The torture has begun. For some reason unknown to man, this child sleeps better when he is pressed up next to me. Maybe nursing wasn’t such a good idea! I sit up and with every ounce of energy I have, at 3 am, I push him back onto his side of the bed and I tell the sleeping child to stay there. I smile, snuggle back in and go back to sleep. For ten minutes. He’s back. Again and again we repeat the process.

I fear the neighbors are going to report me for child abuse because I am yelling at a child who is completely oblivious and is sleeping peacefully. “Stay on your side! I mean it! You are going to get it!” I wake the next morning in a foul mood. I am cross and impatient and I tell my son he may never climb into our bed again. That rule will stand firm until the next thunder storm or my husband decides to have “man” movie time with our son and aliens are in every closet in our house.

After having a cup of tea and spending time in the Word and in intimate prayer with my Lord it dawns on me how glad I am that my Savior does not push me away. In fact, He beckons me closer and desires that I’d stay longer. James 4:8 tells us to draw near to God and He will draw near to us. He wants intimacy with us, His children. He wants us to cuddle up with Him and rest in Him. He wants to wrap His arms around us while we take refuge in His protective strength. He delights in me.

As I ponder all the verses that my God has provided for me, letters assuring me of His love and grace, I think on all the attributes of God. His love never fails. His Grace is sufficient for me. His mercy is ever lasting. He is always near; He never leaves me nor forsakes me. I can call upon Him at any time and He will hear me. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night I am in need of “His touch”, He is there, delighting in my company. All I have to do is snuggle in close to Him!

1 comment:

  1. I smiled throughout this post. I'm a heavy sleeper, except for the occasional stress-induced insomnia periods. When our cat was alive, I'd sometimes wake up with her enormous body on my chest! How do you sleep through a big fluffy cat there? :) But on the parenting note--it's so hard to be "on" all the time. We need our sleep!