Monday, June 27, 2011

Do Not Disturb!

This is one of those posts that gets the “reader beware” sticker. I’m specifically talking to you guys. Reading any further requires maturity. If you are not mature, then do not read any further. Well, I’m talking to you gals, but the beware goes out to you guys. Confused yet? I know I am! Whew…onward we march!

On Wednesday night at Bible study, we were discussing I Corinthians chapter 5. If you are not familiar with this chapter, it is the account of a guy who was having a sexual relationship with his stepmother and ended up being kicked out of the church. Our pastor was asked this question: How would you deal with someone in the church that you know is committing sexual sin?

Let me preface the rest of the story with this, when I am tired I think everything is funny. When I am beyond exhaustion, it’s almost like I am a very happy drunk. I have no inhibitions, everything is funny and I will pretty much say whatever, with “whatever” often times making no sense at all as my brain and mouth have stopped all communication between them. They are on individual commando operations and usually I am the only one in on it. Everything completely makes sense to me. Everyone else seems to be at a loss.

My pastor answered the question using Matthew 18 as a reference and how if someone is having sex they should be talked to and if there is a repentant heart, great, if not and they are openly rebelling and flaunting their sin (as was the guy in I Cor), then that would be the situation where he would ask the person/s involved to leave the church. At no time during his answer did he differentiate between sexual sin and an intimate relationship between a husband and a wife.

My state of being at the time was just coming off one of the most stressful, tiring three-month periods that I have ever experienced. Our daughter got married three days prior. On Monday, we attended lunch at our son-in-laws parents house and watched the new couple open gifts, returned the tuxes, and saw the rest of the family off as they left for their own corners of the world. On Tuesday, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. On Wednesday, still exhausted, I was determined to go to Bible study. That was my first mistake. My second was in thinking we were in kid’s church. We weren’t. Uh oh! In kid’s church, I could be tired and still function. Wednesday night kid’s church is low key. I could handle it. Bible study? Maybe not.

Well, you should have seen the gears in my brain turning as I listened to my pastor answer the question. Huh? Sex is sin? One person in the group said, “You mean outside of marriage, right?” at the same time I grabbed my hubby’s arm and said, “We are finding a new church!”

There was a momentary look of startled fear on our pastor’s face until he realized what he had said and he joking held his wife’s arm and said if that were the case, they would have to find a new church too.

Later on, when my hubby and I were lying in bed, my head on his shoulder, he started chuckling. He told me he knew I was going to say something so he started the one-one thousand count down and sure enough, by the time he reached three one thousand, I had us leaving the church. We also commented on the reactions of those in the room; some chuckles, some laughter, some confusion, some completely ignoring the fact that our pastor just had all of us married folks in celibate relationships and some ignoring the conversation as a whole.

This got me thinking. Why is it we Christians can discuss sexual sin openly? As long as it is “bad” sex, we can have an intelligent conversation, put the people doing the “bad” stuff in their place and go on. But at the first mention of sex in the way God intended it to be, a time of intimate bonding between a man and a woman who are committed to one another for life in a marriage relationship, we shrink up and pretend we don’t know what anyone is talking about?

Has anyone but me noticed most people in the world think we Christians are prudes? Do they, or for that matter do we, know that God created sex and everything He created is good?

I am not talking about discussing the intimate details of you and your spouse’s love life. What I am talking about is, sex inside of marriage is not a bad thing. In fact, when used the way God intended, it is a wonderful, marvelous, loving, life giving, bonding, unifying, fun, spontaneous, self esteem building activity that God created for a married couple to not only use for procreation, but to also enjoy.

When life gets in the way, when the kids completely ignore the “do not disturb” sign on our door (yes, I really do have one hanging from the door knob!), when differing work schedules or being overly busy keeps me and my husband from spending quality alone time together, I get feisty. I begin to doubt his love for me. I need my time with my husband because he is part of me and I am part of him. This is one time when two halves do not make a whole. Coming together, in a very physical way with Christ as our center, creates one unit physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Christ desires the very same intimacy with His bride. He wants us to know Him, our groom, at the deepest level. His desire is for us to be open with Him, secure in his love for us; just like we women should be secure in our husband’s love for us. If we do not spend quality, intimate time with our groom, whether our earthly groom or Christ, do we really know him?


  1. the funny thing is... last wednesday at my church we started discussing sex. it was funny to me to some degree b/c i could see that their are a lot of aroused women in the church "that are married". i could see the thirst for answers and the lack of knowledge the subject has received overall.

    we as saints must minister to all facets of our lives. i love this post b/c we tend to get timid when its time to discuss good sex (marital). we must address these things as a Body to understand the beauty of its intent..

    LOL, to your half sleepiness. Mad craziness ,,, haha.

  2. Yolanda...good for you guys. I'm telling ya...if a husband and wife are happy in the bedroom, their other problems WILL get worked out! They will make sure of it! :)

  3. Love your post, Darlene. You're honest. I'm not exactly sure why or when people decided that Christians are prudes (or for that matter, when we Christians decided to go along with the idea). Maybe people are more drawn to the negative aspects of things? But it's time we put marital sex in its deserved and proper perspective. Hooray for getting the word out!

  4. I love your transparency. I agree that sex in marriage is a wonderful thing. I also think it's hilarious that you have a do not disturb sign on your door. We just lock ours! LOL

  5. Brandy, I don't get it either! I am thankful for this gift from God to us married folks!

    Jessica...I found that sign in a magazine at a women's meeting. We were cutting out pictures and making collages. I saw that sign and snatched it up! Our door lock is one that if you twist the handle it just unlocks.

    LOL...the sign hangs on our door at all times! I wonder what my parents thought while they were here for the wedding. They slept in the bedroom next to ours. Every morning they would have been greeted by that sign and a closed door! LOLOL...