Shut Up!

In the princess Diaries with Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews there is a piece of dialog that goes something like this:

Queen Renaldi: You are a princess of Genovia.
Mia: Me, a princess? (Screams) SHUT UP!
Queen Renaldi: I beg your pardon, “Shut up”?
Consulate matre’D: Oh, your majesty, in America, it doesn’t always mean to be quiet. Here it could mean “Wow, gee whiz, golly wolly”…

The title of this blog is “Shut up!” and I am not talking about the kind going on in the conversation above.

I really mean, Shut Up! As in: close your trap, be quiet, hush up, shut yo mouth dog (PC…how was that?), zip your lip, button it up, nip it, put a cork in it, enough already, fermer la bouche etc.

Do you realize how much power your words hold? Do you realize there is the power of life and death, in the tongue?

Your words can be used to build someone up…or tear someone down.

It wasn’t long ago that God started dealing with me on closing my mouth. I would say the past three years I have been fairly successful at this mandate.

I have met so many women who have problems “shutting up” and thinking about things before spewing the first thing that comes to mind, especially around our husbands. And our excuse for this is “He’s my husband, I should be able to speak my mind. He’ll love me anyway.”

Do yourself a favor. Do not respond. Think. Ask yourself. Am I being emotional? Am I expecting too much? Consider your response before you respond. Consider your heart. Matthew 12:34 reads, “…For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

Ponder these things, then speak without strong emotion and rashness. Your words will have a greater impact.

Two Christmas’ ago, when my brother called to tell me that he was no longer going to be spending a few days with our family as was planned, and was going to stop for a short visit because he made other plans, I didn’t say anything. I had made plans, took off work etc. and instead of “reacting” I chose to be quiet. He hung up on me and I haven’t heard from him since. While shutting my mouth has gotten me in trouble on occasion, opening my mouth and letting my first reaction control my tongue has gotten me in a lot more trouble over the years.

When we choose to use our tongue to lie, gossip, slander, belittle, shame, put down, abuse, deceive, trick etc., we chose to reach into a person’s chest and cut a little piece of their heart out. We leave them bleeding and dying. We leave them lying on the butcher block fully exposed for the next attack, open and vulnerable.

I have been lied to, gossiped about, belittled, shamed, abused and deceived. It hurt. I can still remember words from years past, whether intentional or unintentional it matters not, that still hurt me to the core.

When we choose to build up, exhort, encourage, bless, honor, praise, be kind, be considerate, speak truth to someone, we choose to love. Not sloppy agoppy (agape) love (love that only wants to make people feel good), as my pastor put it last week in Bible study. But, a real agape love that chooses truth because of our desire to see mankind have a true relationship with Christ, and see the Christ in us.

Ephesians 4:29 states this: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 21:23 “Who ever keeps his mouth and his tongue, keeps himself out of trouble.”

I have had to apologize for words spoken. I came to the point that I realized the only way to keep myself out of that humbling place, was to control what I said in the first place.

How about you? Have you been the recipient of unkind words? Has your tongue got you into trouble? Leave a comment and I’ll draw a name to win a copy of the message I gave to a group of women entitled, “Pleasant, and Full of Grace.”

He Was Born That Way!!!

My son was about 6 years old and we were watching Die Another Day with Pierce Brosnan and Halle Berry. I love me some James Bond! Action…a hero that never dies…a good looking bad boy that most women, at some point in their lives, are attracted to. I mean…he’s got it all…right?

Well, about a third of the way through the movie there is a scene where Halle Berry comes up out of the ocean in her orange bikini, slow motion like, skin glistening looking like every man’s dream. Including my six-year-old son’s.

His reaction was “WHOA!” and his jaw was on the floor. While part of me was “Yes! My boy appreciates a good woman and will make some gal a great husband”, the other part of me was struck with his automatic response. His knee jerk reaction to a woman’s body, particularly the part just above the waist and just below the neck, (if you know what I mean) surprised me. Where did this come from?

He was born that way! No…I mean, really, he was born that way! He was created by God to love and appreciate one woman…someday.

Lately I have been pondering a subject that needs our attention. Modesty. Remember back when I narrowed the subject matter of this blog to becoming a woman of God? When I told you that I wasn’t going to be politically correct? That some things might hurt our toes a little bit? This is one of those things.

Ladies, we are not of this world, so why do we act like we are?

I watched Hannity interview Rebecca St. James on the subject of the “slutwalks” that originated in Toronto and are now taking place around our country. These “slutwalks” consist of women who are generally scantily dressed and are taking place to rebuttal the belief that women who dress provocatively are “asking” to be raped and treated without respect. Here is a little bit of the interview:

The first demonstration was called earlier this month after a Toronto police officer claimed “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.” Since then, protests have spread through cities across the U.S.
“I think there has to be responsibility though for what a woman is wearing,” St. James told Hannity Monday. “When a woman is dressing in an immodest way, in a proactive way, she’s got to think about what is she saying by her dress?”
“They’re asking for sex,” she continued. “They’re asking for sex if they’re dressed immodestly.”
While Rebecca agreed that no woman deserves to be raped and mistreated, she did say (and I completely agree with her) that women are to be responsible for what they are saying and asking through their actions, specifically how they dress.


That brings me to something that I am seeing more and more in our churches today. We are allowing the world’s standards to creep in, in more ways than one.

What did you wear to church this past Sunday? Did you show some cleavage? One inch? Two? Do you really want every man in that church staring at you, thinking about your body the way your husband does? Really?

Do you mean to be a distraction to your pastor as he is trying to bring you the Word of God? Are you testing him? As he is talking to you after church, trying to maintain eye contact, do you want him battling his flesh? He is a man. Men are physical beings. Yes he loves God. Yes, he has dedicated his life to serving our Lord and Savior. He is still a man! Don’t go there!

How about your best friend’s husband? Do you want him thinking about your body in a sexual way? Come on! Stop! It makes you feel sexy? Great…wear it for your husband in the privacy of your bedroom!

Speaking of husbands…how does it make your husband feel when you wear that low cut top? Do you think he likes you sharing that part of you that should be his, and his alone? If our guys, who are seeking to do God’s will in all, manage to keep their eyes off your breasts and win the “flesh” war that you have thrust them into, the men in Walmart are not going to show any discipline, period! You bare yourself in public and you can expect to be gazed upon, gawked at, whistled at, talked about, and in extreme cases…taken advantage of.

Is it right? No. Should it happen? No. While those questions are asked and answered in rhetoric, the most important question is this: Does it happen? Yes.

There are men out there who have no self-control. They do not care about your rights. They do not care about your freedom of self-expression. They see something they want and they take it. It doesn’t matter how wrong it is. It doesn’t matter that there will be consequences. It doesn’t matter to him that it’s 90 degrees outside and you are hot. It just doesn’t matter.

If you are victimized, those questions won’t matter to you either. It’ll all be over but the crying!

I Thessalonians 4:7 For God has not called us for impurity, but of holiness.

Do you reach for the higher goal…the goal of holiness? Or are you satisfied with the world’s way of doing things?

To Ask or Not to Ask...That is the Question!

I am one of those people who learn by watching. If I can see someone do it, then I can learn it. If I have to read directions to figure it out…then forget it.

For instance, my husband picked up a little book on how to make paper airplanes for our son. There are intricate directions, folded lines, straight lines, arrows and other types of visual aids that are supposed to take the person reading successfully through all the steps of making a paper airplane. Not me. I will attempt it. I will fold on dotted line…cut on the solid one. I’ll do anything and everything to that darn piece of paper but it will not end up looking like an airplane. I simply do not learn that way. I want to take the book and throw it out the window!

Now if someone said “here, watch” and they proceeded to make the airplane, I would get it. That goes for the computer, gardening, putting gadgets together, taking them apart…it doesn’t matter what it is…that is how I learn.

One morning this week while I was in my prayer time, I heard the Lord’s whisper. His voice was quite clear and it brought revelation to me. Here is what He said, “I am not your earthly parents. Do not be afraid to ask things of me. And when you do ask, do not doubt that I will do it.”

This startled me. I thought I had been asking things of the Lord, especially when I knew the thing that I asked of Him was His plan and/or the direction He was leading my family and I in. I did not realize I was expecting the same treatment as I received from my earthly parents.

When I was a child, I dare not ask anything of my mother. My parents divorced when I was five and I lived primarily with my mother. I have very few memories of that time of my life. When my grandmother was alive, she shared things with me, things that would explain the holes that make up most of my childhood. I do not know why, but I carried the belief that I should never ask for anything.

When I moved in with my father and stepmother the summer before I started high school, I carried that belief with me. My dad and my step mom never did anything to reinforce that belief, although they did not realize what I was doing. This carried on through college. My father did not want me working while I was in school, but I had no money. I did not feel “safe” enough to ask them for money for toothpaste or shampoo. I gave blood every six weeks to get $20 for my very basic of needs. I do not fault them. Their oldest child was five years old when suddenly they took on two teenagers. They simply did not know and apologized to me, with great sadness, much later in life.

I never realized that I was “afraid” to ask the Lord for anything…and when I did ask, I would make excuses for why He might not answer my prayers. Not only that, I would console myself, making ready for that inevitable “no.”

Without conscience effort, I took my Lord, the most powerful, awesome, glorious, holy, perfect, all knowing Maker of the universe and I personified Him. I put clothes on Him. I combed His hair. I put shoes on his feet and I looked upon Him as I would any other man. I doubted His love for me. I doubted His protection. I doubted His wisdom and His perfect plan for my life.

Now that I have revelation…how do I fix a behavior that has been reinforced over a long period of time?

Well, if you are me, you watch and you listen.

On Friday I get to pray with some great people, I am going to listen to how they pray, and then we will talk about their attitude and expectations. I know this sounds strange to some of you. I mean, who needs to be shown how to pray?

I can quote the Lord’s Prayer. I can tell you what each line signifies. I can tell you about practical application. But…I have never been shown. God created me. He knows my heart. He loves me enough to correct me, to show me the error of my ways. Shouldn’t I be humble enough to do what it takes to press in closer to Him?

How do you learn? How does your learning style affect your walk with the Lord? Can you ask for help when you need it…or does pride stand in your way?