Man, Those Ears are Huge!

In three days I’m having surgery. The only other surgery I have had was a C-Section. I guess this is a bit different.

We were sitting at our Christmas table enjoying our Zuppa Tuscana when our conversation drifted toward my upcoming gall bladder surgery. I was calm and collected. I’d been put out before, I mean, sheesh, I did have my wisdom teeth out.

When I shared my couple of “being put to sleep” stories, my sister who works daily in the operating room says, “You weren’t put to sleep. You were given medicine to make you forget.”

“Huh? Of course I was put to sleep. I remember the dentist saying, “Lie back and relax” and I remember laughing at him because, well, those drugs they gave me just made me loopy and his ears reminded me of Dumbo. I know, it’s not nice. Talk to the drugs.

She went on to inform me that they will put me out and insert the tube down my throat.

My reaction was a bit stronger. “What? They’ll put the tube down my throat? But why?”

You see, I’ve only pictured serious conditions having tubes in their throats. You know, coma patients who are on life support, that kind of thing.

“Because, you’ll die without it. They paralyze you and you won’t get oxygen without the tube.”

This time I went a little ballistic. “WHAT????” I found it difficult to put my words together. Maybe the pain isn’t really all that bad!

She continued. “They really only put you out at hospitals because they need emergency lifesaving equipment if something should go wrong. They won’t do that at the dentist office. There they just give you Valium and a drug to make you forget.” (She actually named the drug and a quick cursory search on the internet is not finding the info)

My pulse quickens and I feel a trembling in my chest, stomach, groin, well, pretty much all of me. I’m not liking this. Really, I’m not. “But, but…”

My sister once again shares her wisdom. “You’ll be fine. They do these surgeries all the time.”

I just love my sister! I look heavenward. “Lord, I know you’ve got this.”

As I’m reading my operation paperwork, I notice that this may be a good time to discuss advance directives, living wills, and durable power of attorney. Reading the information leads to a discussion with my husband in regards to advance directives, living wills, and durable power of attorney. Do they pull my plug or don’t they????

My husband decided he’d make the doctor do it.

Also, if I’m left in a coma for any length of time, won’t I get a sore throat? I hate sore throats!

And the thing I am thinking about the most three days before the surgery?

Did I really laugh at my dentist the entire time I was being worked on? How embarrassing!

The Musings of a 47 Year Old Woman!

I’ll admit it’s been a while since I’ve had a bit of discretionary cash in my pocket. Normally, we’re either paying bills, putting food on the table or investing back into our business. I’m not complaining mind you, it’s a choice and we believe it’s the right choice. By we, I am referring to my husband and I. Upon launching 40 Day Publishing we agreed that we will, as Dave Ramsey so eloquently puts it, live like no one else so we can live like no one else. We stand and live by that choice.

That being said, we agreed to a little spending money as our Christmas gift to one another. We haven’t given each other Christmas gifts in several years so the feeling in and of itself was quite exhilarating.

Oh what to spend my little pocket of change on???

We got ourselves a babysitter and off we went. First to lunch. Thankfully, I am feeling very well today. Still, I have the chicken. It’s easier on the gallbladder than the beef. A week from now I will be quite sore and doped up on narcotics. I’m glad I got an afternoon alone with my hubby before the surgery.

After looking around, I spot the restrooms and make a break for it. Whew.

Second stop, some odd electronics store. We’re in need of a camera. Nope, none there. I glance around but see no bathrooms. Darn.

Next stop, Best Buy. Ah…we purchased a camera, a tri pod, camera case, and an extra battery. We’re set. Everything was on sale. To top it all off, they give us a $15 gift card to thank us for our purchase. We put that aside to give our son for his birthday. Dog gone it…I was so excited I completely forgot about the bathroom! Ugh.

We need slippers. We found such a great deal at Payless Shoe store. I remember to look for bathrooms but alas, they have none. Next store!

I ran into a ladies clothing store while my hubby went into Mardel’s Christian Bookstore. I purchased a new robe and a pair of dress pants then caught up with Danny in the bookstore. Our son has been using the Action Bible and is getting to the point of needing a “more mature” Bible. We bought him an adventure Bible. Nice.

As we are getting into the car, I’m wiggling. I realized, once again, that I failed to find the bathroom in the bookstore. I know our next stop has no bathroom. Will I make it?

I hurried into Little Caesars and got a pepperoni pizza and some breadsticks. There is a line almost out the door. Somehow I manage. Somehow I make it back to the car and seriously think about doing the pee pee dance.

We pull into the driveway of our house and I’m making a run for it. Forget the coffee, the bags, the pizza…just give me a bathroom.

Our son says “Mom, aren’t you forgetting something.”

I reply “Just get out of my way!”

The moral of this story is…at the heart of the musings of a 47 year old woman you’re mostly looking at bathroom locations! Yep. Seriously.

"The Dog"

“Mom, please? I want a puppy so bad.”

We heard this again and again. Day after day, week after week, month after month. We were even getting close to the year after year mark.

So we caved. We found a beautiful little lab puppy we named Emma. She was adorable. As I watched her cock her head sideways, she reminded me of those adorable puppies who only do adorable things on those adorable puppy shows on Netflix.

Ah, what an adorable puppy.

We brought her home. The first day was bliss. She cuddled with us and when she pooped on our bed, we told her she was naughty, I washed all the bedding until four in the morning, then we finally settled in to sleep, exhausted but fulfilled in only the ways a puppy can fulfill.

Then reality set in.

Morning came and my adorable puppy became inquisitive. Then my inquisitive puppy became naughty.

I did what any good mommy does. I put my puppy in her crate for a much needed break.

Fifteen minutes later, she had pooped all over her crate, her blanket, her paws, and subsequently my pants. I bathed her in the front yard. I’m fairly certain my neighbors were caught off guard as they have never heard me raise my voice to my son, the dog, the neighbor’s dog, the prairie dog and any other dog I could think of. Notice how my cute puppy became “the dog.”

Once “the dog” was clean, I set upon cleaning the crate. Midway, “the dog” got into my kitchen trash. Once again, my neighbors were worried. After I cleaned up the trash, I went back to the crate. She then proceeded to make a figure eight track through my kitchen and living room, with the Christmas tree being in the center of the eight. After another bout with “the dog” and the trash, she finally got the message (or so I thought) and went to sleep curled in a ball afraid she was to be roasted for the evening meal. I’ve heard there are places in the east as well as in Mexico that regularly eat dog meat. I complete understand that now.

After five days of running after “the dog”, I had had enough. I seriously considered falling on a knife and ending it all. I was frazzled. I was in tears. I was mad. I was ugly. I seriously had not showered in three days so I stunk. By the time the dog was asleep, I was exhausted. Who has time to shower when there is a puppy who poops in her crate? Not me, that was for sure.

The guys thought I was being dramatic. Of course they would. They slept in, or were gone, or were simply absent from my days with “the dog.” How could they know?

On Friday I called a family meeting. This has to end, I declared. I cannot keep this up. I’m fairly certain if I walked outside, a bird would nest in my nasty hair. I am done. Finished. I haven’t written a word in days. I’m not sure this will ever end and I’m pretty sure I’ll never publish anything, ever again. So, I did what any self-respecting mother does. I handed the responsibility of “the dog” to the one who wanted “the dog.”

Huh? He said with childlike wonder. But, I’m only ten!

My response? From this day forward you shall get up with “the dog”, feed “the dog”, clean up after “the dog”, pay for anything “the dog” chews up, and watch “the dog” like a hawk.

Less than twenty four hours later, “the dog” once again became an adorable puppy…in someone else’s house.

Virtual Craft Fair with Giveaways!

Hi folks, come on in and get ready to shop.  It is kick-off time!

 I am so excited to be bringing you A Very Crafty Christmas - Virtual Craft Fair.   We have 10 shops represented to bring you their crafts, talents, and products.  Shop from the comfort of your home and eliminate the holiday shopping stress.

I don't know about you, but I love going to craft fairs and have even organized my fair share of them in years past.  I still have several Christmas items that I have purchased at craft fairs over the years. So, when I first saw this idea, it made perfect sense to me.

Let's see who our booth owners are:

1)  Store Name:  We Are Crafts
     Owner:  Regina Partain
     www.Etsy.com/Shop/WeAreCrafts
     Event Special:  Participants will receive 20% off orders throughout the fair using the code
     VCF2013 at checkout.
     Giveaway Items:  3' Red and White Spirit Worm
                               Nativity Christmas Necklace and Earrings Set
     Value:  $25.00 Each

2)  Store Name:  A Welcoming House Blog
     Owner:  Heather Estey
     www.Etsy.com/Shop/AWelcoming House
     Event Special:  Participants will receive 20% off on all orders by including Virtual Craft Fair in their      personal not to me when purchasing an item.
     Giveaway Items:  Three Crocheted Star Ornaments
     Value:  $6.00

3)  Store Name: Butterfly Angels Quilting
     www.ButterflyAngels.Storenvy.com
     Owner:  Amy Gay
     Giveaway:  Quilted Denim Table Runner
     Value $25.00

4)  Author:  Darlene Shortridge, Contemporary Christian Fiction
     www.Darlene Shortridge.blogspot.com

     Event Special:  Purchase two or more books and receive $1.00 off each book purchased.
     Giveaway Item:  Paperback copy of Until Forever - A Christian novel that tackles the tough subject      of alcoholism and its effects on the family unit.
     Value:  $15.00

5)  Product:  Thirty-One Gifts

     Consultant:  Lisa Barnett

     www.MyThirtyOne.com/LisaBarnett  (Click on "My Parties" tab, then "Craft Fair Christmas"

     Giveaway Item:  Large Utility Tote

     Value:  $35.00

      

6)  Store:  MaMade Creations

     Owner:  Michelle Williams

     www.Etsy.com/Shop/MaMadeCreations

     Event Special:  Free Shipping with Promo Code:  CRAFTSHOW

     Three Giveaway Items:  3 Sets of 3 Tulle Dish Scrubbies

     Value:  $15.00 Total, $5.00 per winner

7)  Store Name:  Backyard Originals
     Owner:  Debbie Scott
     www.Facebook.com/BackyardOriginals
     Giveaway Item:  Fleur De Lis Mertal Art Piece
     Value:  $24.00

8)  Store Owner:  Shirley Wood, Consultant
     www.Shop.Avon.com/Default.aspx 
     Giveaway Item:  Advent Christmas Countdown Tree
     Special Instructions:  Please enter the code APVCCHRISTMAS at checkout.

9) Author: Elaine Littau, Christian Fiction, Humor and Devotions

www.ElaineLittau.com

     Giveaway Item:  A copy of her book "Christmas in Nashville".  This is the second book in her              Nashville series.

     Value: $12.00

10) Store Name:  Brand It Boutique

      Owner:  Brenda Bradford

      www.BranditBoutique.com

      Giveaway Items:  One Large Monogrammed Southern Sippers
                                One Small Monogrammed Southern Sippers
      Value:  $12.00  Large
                 $10.00  Small

WOW!  Aren't these some wonderful doorprize/giveaway items.  So, enter to win through the box below.  Then, visit all the stores and have fun shopping.

a Rafflecopter giveaway



Thank you for visiting! Merry Christmas!  Have fun shopping.

To shop for discounted books, visit my website. www.darleneshortridge.com